Articles - Worst Fear in Relationships


What follows happens only when you, as a soul, have come to heal the very difficult and universal wounds that exist in romantic interactions of humans. I want to help you try and make sense of potentially very painful and confusing period(s) that surface at critical periods of such healing. Remember that at your most desperate and desolate times, your healing will contribute towards the healing dictionary of all humankind - we are all with you in spirit.

So...... some souls came to address the chronically bad relationships that have always existed in the world. Just look at our history; it is littered with all the negative ways man creates to hurt each other. Betrayal, backstabbing, lies, abandonment and many, many more examples.

So, in the glorious summer season when affairs of the heart can be the focus, let me relate how we, personally might have to face our relationship wounds patterns that dog us, maybe repeatedly in the past. This manifests as a worst case fear that we perceive can happen to us in a romantic association. It taints our relationship experience at a profound level and mars it to the point of us wanting to end the connection. But the result of going through and healing this experience would free us from patterns of dysfunctional reactions and give us access to a more creative and rewarding way to relate.

There are two ways we can be confronted with this difficult situation; acute and long standing. The acute is described first as the emotions arising can be extreme and intense. The term acute can describe a situation that can last few weeks to months. The long term or chronic case can be more frustrating. Scroll down further past the acute section to read about.

Acute Worst Case Fear

If our soul has come to sort out a specific issue in this context, it will come to light when you form a new relationship. But not at the beginning. The initial budding steps will be exciting, passionate, wonderful and you might well feel the angels are celebrating with your joy.

This stage is necessary to get your heart to open, as significant relationships form only through the heart chakra. Yes, your whole being will start to be "tuned"  for love. You will be given god-eyes - this is where your initial perception of this special person is a view of them without their wounds. So they look the perfect giver and receiver of love. In a romantic situation, a lot of sexual aura is mixed in. Please enjoy this phase as what follows could get really rough!

Then this period of exhilaration at the start of the romance, which is like a “bait” to draw you in, will start to change. Suddenly, you start to notice that under certain situations a feeling of discordance bugs you. Like a build up of volume in a musical crescendo, this nasty, unwelcome intrusion edges larger and larger into your pleasurable love experience. You try and shut it out, but without success. It starts to take over your world, your emotional landscape becomes subsumed by it. You will feel impossible to hold it back and you feel you have to confront your partner. It seems like what you are feeling is totally due to their behaviour or attitude.

BUT before you accuse your partner of various things, take a breather and step back from the situation. Ask “have I not had echoes of this particular problem in previous relationships?” Sure, this all feels an order of magnitude worse than before. And you feel an overwhelming urge to remove this nasty painful thorn in the beautiful intensity of your developing romance, by expressing some “home truths” to your partner. You first need to acknowledge that at least some of this discomfort is your thing. You’ve felt it in similar situations before, so there is some of your issues contributing to the discomfort you are experiencing. You are experiencing your worst fear, the worst case scenario that you fear most when relating romantically to another person.

The root of this overwhelming fear is very likely a very traumatic experience in a past life. Yes, your strong reaction in this life is being triggered by a combination of this particular person, the opening of your heart and your being ready to heal this gaping wound. You most likely had an extremely painful time with this person in a past life, and at soul level had made a contract to come and repeat this trauma to try and heal things. This partner that you have straddled the boundary of lifetimes with is certainly a special soul to you - consider the term “healing partner”.

During this time, you might well get anxiety and panic attacks. Other physical symptoms might also show up, such as nausea, palpitations, insomnia, etc. Do your best not to take pharmaceutical preparations for these, as suppressing the necessary full experience could prolong the suffering or worse still, cause it to repeat later.


So you might not have been able to hold back, and the very difficult confrontation(s) has happened. It is likely the explosions of the emotions have blown you apart, a separation. Take this time to take stock, time to let the intensity die down. You need the echoes of feelings to be fully felt and acknowledged. Your heart need the space as it has just been broken..... again. Like the aftermath of an earthquake, the aftershocks will continue for a while.

Be gentle with yourself. Realise that no one is at fault, no one is to blame. Resist the temptation to reconnect with your healing partner to make things “right”. You may get the chance to resolve the sense of incompleteness, but do not bank on it or try to grab at it. Most likely in the past life you and your healing partner split up in a very final way, maybe involving the end of life of one or both of you. Feeling this sense of ultimate separation and the loneliness that follows is a necessary step in the healing.

At this point, you are being fully held by your discarnate helpers although you might not feel it yet. The decision to heal this aspect of your wound might not have been made consciously, but is an act of courage. You actually had the free will to not enter into it but the higher vibrational aspect of you “went for it”. The healing vocabulary of our collective psyche is being extended by this process that you are going through.


Arrange your life to be as undemanding as practically possible. It is likely that the universe has already been at work here. Funnily enough, your ability to cope with other aspects of your daily life might well be unaffected. This might feel strange as despite the emotional explosions going on inside you your everyday world carries on, seemingly as usual.

If you know of a therapist that might be able to help, grab some time with them. Avoid ones that try to “solve” the “problem”. This is a major healing crisis, not an emotional equivalent of a head cold. As much as you might like the pain to disappear, resist anyone (therapists, friends,family)  that try to distract your full experience of it.

Chronic Worst Case Fear

In this case, we're talking about time-scales of around a year or longer. In a way, the experience is less extreme than the "acute", but much more frustrating. The condition drags on, seemingly without end. You know the relationship is not right but you probably see the problem being caused by the other person.

This blindness to your own wound, or not being able to fully emotionally own the wound drags on the pain of the interaction.

The condition flares up regularly when you are both out of your familiar routine (eg. like when away on holiday). Unfortunately, friends can perpetuate the problem by agreeing on how "unreasonable" your partner's behavior is. This prevents you from seeing how your own wound is playing a part in the interaction.

The recurring thought you have especially during the flare-ups is how the only solution is to leave the partnership. Be aware that this will not heal your wound! Your next partner will probably also have a soul contract to bring up the same wound to heal.

 Where's My Stuff?

So eventually, you might say "I've had enough of this sh*t - I want to sort it once and for all". Here are a few pointers to help you:

  1. The solution is in healing your wound - ease off focussing on your partner
  2. It’s about manifesting a beautiful relationship, it’s not about faults and blame
  3. Mix with people who have a good couple relationship for inspiration, they do exist!
  4. Heart centered meditation - feel the love you want by manifesting it
  5. Please be compassionate, our behaviours are driven by our wounds

As in the “acute” situation, soul-contract is at play here. Your higher level souls agreed to meet again do work on the issue. Sorting this out will expand your love vocabulary and lead to your love needs being met. Then the side-effect of your working on it will energetically and magically help other people resolve similar relationship troubles.

How it all Works

You might know the phrase “the world changes when you change yourself”. It is the same here. You might not be able to see how the stubborn situation you are in can resolve itself. What happens is that as long as your soul-contract is in force, you will be dogged by this no matter which partner you are with. This contract is only rescinded when you heal yourself. The beauty is that you do not have to rely on your partner to heal! As your psyche changes perspective and fully understand your own wound in the deepest way, the power that it holds on you diminishes. This means that the soul-contract has been completed. Strangely, your partner will no longer have the “faults” that made your life hell. Or your partnership easily dissolves and you are able meet someone else without this past-life fear, free to fully enjoy new relationships.


~   Please continue your love journey with my heartfelt blessings   ~